“…we want to make our own lives so tragic and then on the inside you’re ordinary just like everybody else and then you’re not so sad anymore because, fuck, you’re just like everyone else.”
amen.
January 22, 2009
Stuck
I want to say that things have been stagnant, but at the same time, things are happening. I guess it’s what happens when you graduate and you have no clear direction. You start planning your next day, week, month. Or not. What’s there to plan? There’s no one to hold your hand, to tell you which classes you have to take before you finish so-and-so requirements. There’s no one to tell you that you have to complete this research and internship if you want to get ahead. You either land a job or you don’t. Apply to graduate school or not. You’re simply existing amongst everybody else who are going through, more or less, the same motions.
I’m way overdue in my synopsis on the previous year. It all so quickly blends together; I could very well say that nothing significant happened. But that’s a blatant lie. I’ve met significant people who are sure to stay with me forever. I’ve had people who believed I was significant enough for a visit from far away. I’ve kept more friends that I’m able to count on, albeit they’re more than hundreds of miles away. And I still owe quite a few phone calls.
I miss writing. I still crave the simple life. Things are always better when you look back. I’ve always been a dweller. A nostalgic. She asked me how I was able to stay so strong, and my reply was (and always will be), “Well, you can only count on yourself.” This is all so convoluted and capricious and it makes no sense.
I’m going to start collecting my dreams again.
